Abandoned. Rejected. Denied and otherwise Ugly. ....? Do we look deeper? Are we a society that only finds beauty in what appears?

As I reflect on personal  rejection, I see a childhood. A place where I hid behind falsified details of the "perfect" home and family, or at least what society believes "perfect" should be. I scorn over this trap. Perfection should never be the expectation, in fact, I find it boring and the journey to find it is setting ourselves up for disappointment. Disappointment in myself and others.

The man I knew as my stepfather passed away last week. I find myself asking if all he represented  can be buried with him. Why didn't he ever see beyond ugly? The ugliness that I still feel, is it my inheritance or can I toss it as the handful of dirt that will now cover his lifeless body? I believe I will hold a little in my pocket as a reminder. When I feel I can't accomplish, I 'll clinch the clod and allow a few grains to slip through my fingers and fall at my feet and smile. I'll smile at how I survived.

Survivors of abuse wear scars that should be medals.  "Ugly" Medals that victims are given when they reach that point where they can look in their hearts and know that they not only survived but will use their empathetic hearts to encourage others with a kind word, gentle look and attentive ear.  These "Ugly" medals will represent HOPE.

I've been designing little rag dolls  from abandoned scraps that represent just this. I'm still working on this one but wanted to share her.  She is named "UGLY HOPE " and has tattered muslin and lace for hair and covers her heart with tea stained and iron scorched arms. Her button eyes are not perfect but always open, so she may "see" her siblings. Her siblings are all the children like her. Beautiful in training! She is intended to deliver a message of looking deeper.  UGLY HOPE bears a pure white pearl inside her to remind us to always look deeper than the surface.

Feeling like a Foster Parent

Fostering Unlovables

Abandoned lace textiles with rust stains, holes or tears lay lifeless in the back warehouse of an upscale Antique Store in Houston. They are stuffed into clear plastic bags piled one on top of the other, sometimes as high as 7 feet tall.  They are the "Rags" that didn't meet standards after the storekeepers' last European excursion that shipped a container to the states. My heart races and hands shake in excitement as I select from bags marked, pillow cases, runners, curtains, baby, rounds, tablecloths.
The feeling reminds me of going to the animal shelter and wishing with all my heart, that I could take them all...

Step one STAINING. My kitchen sees every stove burner covered by a tea filled cook pot (and even the microwave may see a safe bowl as well). English Blackberry, cooks up a beautiful subdued shade of lavender, a favorite with my customers.  Doily dropping, rinsing and hanging to dry is my new normal.  The textile orphanage that once was a place where children gathered to eat and talk about their latest adventures is now my sacred refuge where i find a sense of belonging as the foster parent of "unlovables".

Step two SORTING.  How the different fabrics and threads "take" the staining is unpredictable. They have their own voices.  Some, go into a "do again" pile as they came out to bold and bright to fit into the "soft spoken" palette I seek. They will be gently faded by bleaching in the sun. The others will find their place in the "New Life" bag. 

Step three. SEWING. Mood  dictates where to go from here. Often designing to Coffee House music from SIRIUS radio and other times, classic old movies, I gather inspiration by grouping varied shades of remnants and oppose their textures and pattern dimensions to fabrics, such as burlap or linen. When my eyes see them against each other, I see polka dots against plaid or purity against dirt! Much like life relationships.  I stitch by hand, collages of pieces and store them for later.

HANDBAGS, SASH'S, SLIP DRESSES, LAMPSHADES, JOURNALS, FRAMED THOUGHTS and more are based on the day's inspiration.  What a tough life! 

CURRENT DEVELOPMENTS:

Yesterday's accomplishment was re purposed remnants  ruffled onto simple vinyl tote bags with gatherings of lace against burlap.  Listed on etsy under FrillSeekerz at 45.00 each or 2 with 30% off.

The Lovely Shade of BLAH!

Designing today....
After lifting my heavy eyelids to rest on the welcoming Mocha covered walls of our new home, I realize once again that a peaceful night's sleep is simply a distant memory.  Night sweats have proven my theory. Houston was quite a chilly place before now. Menopause has unleashed its wrath on me and my body is losing the fight!  I'll slide out of bed and attempt yet another day of cutting, tearing, stitching and gluing and perhaps, more posting on my etsy shop and Facebook.

I pass the wonderfully ragged floor lamp I worked on last night and realize....Although the doors were double locked, the "Screw-up Fairy" broke in again.  She took something fabulous and transformed it into something...."uh, okay!?" I make the hasty decision to leave it until it speaks to me, hopefully in a language only Pinterest Natives understand.  Coffee will surely be the key!

The ultra strong cup of witch's brew jump starts the process of categorizing my day. I need to do something beautiful! Not clever. Not utilitarian. Not even for resale. Just beautiful! I glance at my mound of lovables.  Jute, Victorian Lace, Tattered Muslin, meandering twine attached to meaningless baubles  and remember. Husband referred to my color favorites last night as, BLAH!  I realize.... The color isn't the beauty at all. It's the life each item has lived and travels it made along the way that appeals to me. The pattern of the rust stain loosely mimics a flower.  The button's corrosion resembles the man on the moon. And here they are....beautiful on their own and beige, white and  every shade in between. I have a collection and that in itself is beautiful so as for the husband, Blah...blah...blah...........



My Materials of Choice for Purses, Picture Frames, Lamp Shades and more~

Add caption

You Inspire Me.....

Welcome, fellow bloggers!

You inspire me. And for that, I thank you.

 As I pass you on aisle 12 at the grocery store and I see you take your child's hand and gently guide him away form temptations and you proudly smile with your eyes, thinking no one's watching, I am. You have no idea that at that very moment, I knew....YOU would be the subject in my next painting.


When I sit idly in my booth listening to the rustle of feet passing me by, I find you. Chattering about your latest finds, where your car may be parked and how your in laws visit went, I realize your music. YOUR music just became my next inspiration for a chandelier made from tattered pages from a song book.

The day you dropped your purse at a networking party. You were embarassed by the mishap and scurried with your hands to gather the contents as they spread across the floor. I helped you while explaining how its happened to all of us. I couldn't help but notice. Colors, Textures and Shapes in their disarray. YOU inspired the purse I designed with Found Objects with personal connection.

Daily occurences that can seem unimportant are doodles in my mind's sketchbook. YOU hand me the pen and for that, I exist. As long as I have a breath, I will be thanking YOU........

for how    YOU                                                      INSPIRE                                             ME





Found on etsy.....FrillSeekerz