Abandoned. Rejected. Denied and otherwise Ugly. ....? Do we look deeper? Are we a society that only finds beauty in what appears?

As I reflect on personal  rejection, I see a childhood. A place where I hid behind falsified details of the "perfect" home and family, or at least what society believes "perfect" should be. I scorn over this trap. Perfection should never be the expectation, in fact, I find it boring and the journey to find it is setting ourselves up for disappointment. Disappointment in myself and others.

The man I knew as my stepfather passed away last week. I find myself asking if all he represented  can be buried with him. Why didn't he ever see beyond ugly? The ugliness that I still feel, is it my inheritance or can I toss it as the handful of dirt that will now cover his lifeless body? I believe I will hold a little in my pocket as a reminder. When I feel I can't accomplish, I 'll clinch the clod and allow a few grains to slip through my fingers and fall at my feet and smile. I'll smile at how I survived.

Survivors of abuse wear scars that should be medals.  "Ugly" Medals that victims are given when they reach that point where they can look in their hearts and know that they not only survived but will use their empathetic hearts to encourage others with a kind word, gentle look and attentive ear.  These "Ugly" medals will represent HOPE.

I've been designing little rag dolls  from abandoned scraps that represent just this. I'm still working on this one but wanted to share her.  She is named "UGLY HOPE " and has tattered muslin and lace for hair and covers her heart with tea stained and iron scorched arms. Her button eyes are not perfect but always open, so she may "see" her siblings. Her siblings are all the children like her. Beautiful in training! She is intended to deliver a message of looking deeper.  UGLY HOPE bears a pure white pearl inside her to remind us to always look deeper than the surface.